Play #5 – P: Perspective
Disclaimer: For this final play, I cover how to connect our faith/spiritually to supporting our kids in youth sports. While I wrote this book for people of all faiths and worldviews, I will share my Christian convictions. If you don’t adhere to the Christian faith, then perhaps there are tenets of your worldview that you can incorporate. So for non-Christians, I encourage you to read the four points below with an open mind.
1. Our identity shouldn’t come from our kids’ performance.
Professional athletes experience such drastic highs and lows. You are lauded and celebrated for the home run or goal. You are booed and vilified for a mistake or poor performance that results in a loss. It is dangerous to associate one’s self-worth with fans’ reactions. I am not speaking from experience – I never played in front of large crowds throughout my uneventful high school basketball career. But this is the message I gleaned from my interviews and research. It is also common sense.
I am an avid reader and podcast listener of Sports Spectrum, a media site that features Christian content from professional athletes. When I type “identity” in the search box, I can access a plethora of different stories with this word in the title.
Former NFL player Joe Ehrmann wrote: “With plenty of encouragement from a sports-crazed adult culture, I bought wholeheartedly into three sports myths: acceptance, status, and performance-based identity. I viewed my athletic prowess, and the plaudits it produced, as a way to receive acceptance – a false acceptance because it was based on my performance and not on my character.” 42
Parents are a guilty party in two main ways. First, so many moms and dads subconsciously feel a sense of value based on their kids’ performance. Second, we often subtly communicate to our kids that their value is tied to how they play. For those thinking “Not me!” consider these questions:
Why are you watching your kid’s game so intensely?
Why are you so excited for an opening in a conversation to update people about your kid’s latest accolades?
Why are you spending so much time on Facebook to see how many people are liking and congratulating you after you post about your child’s accomplishment?
Why do you react so angrily at the referee for missing a call that impacted your kid?
A Christian perspective calls for a shift in focus from societal expectations of success to a divine understanding of worth. In the eyes of God, the value of a child is not contingent on their position on the team or the number of awards. Ditto, your value in God’s eyes has nothing to do with your kid’s statistics. God’s love is unconditional.
This realization can enable parents to support their children in sports for the joy of participation and personal growth. It steers us away from seeking validation through external measures. Understanding our identity as rooted in God’s love and grace allows us to approach our children’s athletic journeys with perspective. The child is free to explore their interests and abilities without the pressure of parental expectations.
Last summer, I had the pleasure of spending time with Mickey Weston, a former big-league pitcher and current chaplain for the Chicago White Sox. He ran baseball clinics for kids (including my boys) at Camp-of-the-Woods in upstate New York. After the clinic, he concluded with a devotional. He talked with the kids about the importance of finding identity in Christ. It is a common theme he discusses with MLB players in his role as a chaplain.
“Sports is like a performance wheel,” he said. “We feel accepted based on how we do. We need to anchor on something more solid. God’s love is not based on a performance relationship. When we walk with God, there is no need to seek man’s approval.”
2. We are called to do our best.
One of the most notable Bible verses shared by teams in a Christian sporting environment is Colossians 3:23: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
I find this verse both motivating and liberating. We are inspired to do our best and at the same time our efforts and the results they produce are in the hands of an almighty God. I frequently shared Colossians 3:23 with my players when coaching the middle school basketball team (a faith-based program). I also refer to the wisdom of this verse in my different one-to-one interactions with my sons.
We can also apply this verse in our parenting roles. Let’s do our very best and go the extra mile to support our kids even when we don’t feel like it, remembering that our work is for the Lord. Ditto, we can model the wisdom of Colossians 3:23 in how we approach our professional vocations. Our children are watching and observing.
Also, let’s share the message with our kids that they shouldn’t perform on the court or field for the goal of hearing the fleeting applause from others. Encourage them to seek the approval of a God who loves them regardless of how they play. This is a freeing message that can help reduce the pressure and thus enable us to perform better.
3. Trust in God and leave the results to him.
Professional athletes can usually point to a particular random happenstance, such as being at the right place at the right time that led to an opportunity, or an injury that closed a door.
Brian Roberts was having a breakout year in 2005 for the Baltimore Orioles. Named an All-Star earlier in the season, he was considered an MVP candidate. Toward the end of the season, Roberts wondered if his career was coming to an end after suffering a gruesome elbow injury. As Roberts was assisted off the field at Yankee Stadium, he recalled the wisdom in Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Roberts did make it back from the injuries and was able to continue in his career another 10 years. He is quick to point out that “it was by the grace of God.”
One of many players who never made it back from an injury was Brien Taylor. He was named the game’s top prospect by Baseball America before the 1992 season. Pundits were certain he would dominate in the Major Leagues. However, he got into an off-the-field fight and injured his shoulder. Taylor’s ability to pitch would never be the same. Had the fight never occurred or if the injury was somewhere besides Taylor’s shoulder, he could have been in the Hall of Fame. Instead, he failed to reach the big leagues and experienced a number of challenges after his playing days in the minors.
Our kids, when healthy, can control the effort they put into a sport. They can’t control all of the random factors that dictate the opening and closing of doors. With a Christian perspective, we realize God is in control of all these variables. This includes the talent they were born with, the coaches and players they are arbitrarily assigned to, and the possibilities of injuries. These different events can impact whether a kid stops playing a sport or excels. Trusting in divine wisdom, we as parents can navigate the unpredictable nature of sports with a sense of peace, recognizing that the journey itself is part of a greater purpose beyond our control.
4. What would Jesus do?
Wouldn’t it have been amazing if Jesus had a biological child who participated in sports back in the day? It would have been fascinating if one of the gospel writers recorded Jesus’ words and actions at his kid’s sporting event. While this never happened, I do think there are enough clues from Jesus’ life on earth that can serve as an example for us today.
For one, I think we would see a sense of compassion in Jesus’ approach as a youth sports parent. Jesus invested lots of time with outcasts: the sick, prostitutes, and foreigners who weren’t valued in society, among others. Therefore in this youth sports scenario, Jesus wouldn’t be encouraging just his child but all the kids in the game. I imagine he would particularly be cheering on those sitting at the end of the bench, the player who made a critical mistake, and the kid who got picked on.
Jesus’ life was marked by prayer. It is safe to say that if Jesus was attending his kid’s sporting event some 2,000 years ago, he would be spending considerable time praying. Imagine if parents in the stands genuinely spent time in communication with God during games? I’d imagine the youth sports scene would improve dramatically.
Jesus performed many amazing miracles. Would he resort to the supernatural to ensure that his kid won? I don’t think so. I believe Jesus cares about all the details of our lives. But he was always thinking about the big picture: his ultimate death and resurrection. Jesus was God; we are not. But I do think we should also see the big picture. Imagine if before every intense youth sports championship game, a 30-second video played showing all the spectators a glimpse of heaven and a message about eternal life in paradise with God. I would hope that after watching such a video, we would be less likely to lose our marbles if the referee made a bad call against our team.
Questions to consider for non-Christians
1. How can you help your kid find their identity in a purpose that is greater and more long-lasting than a youth sporting event?
2. Given your personal philosophy, what strategies or principles can empower your child to embrace the uncertainties of sports and handle setbacks?
3. In what ways can you demonstrate the tenets of your religion/worldview in a youth sports setting? (If you don’t resonate with religion/worldview, then substitute the word values).
Questions to consider for Christians
1. In what ways can your identity in Christ impact your approach to youth sports?
2. How can you apply Colossians 3:23 as a youth sports parent? (Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters).
3. In what ways can you model Christ while sitting in the stands and in your interactions with your kids?
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42 Ehrmann, Joe. "InSide Out Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives," (New York, Simon & Schuster, 2011), Kindle.